I have fallen victim to thinking my life should be a stylized influencer instagram. I consume hours and hours of social media content. I am the targeted audience. I want to be one of the beautiful people with the perfect brunch lives. I want to be sent dazzling products to review and preface my posts with “#ad”, but sadly I am just a regular schmuck that works full time. My life is far from glamorous or instagram-worthy, but that doesn’t mean that my life doesn’t have value. I am married to a wonderful man, I have a loving and supportive immediate family, a few close friends, and of course a small gang of dogs. My house is constantly in a state of emergency, the laundry is backed up, there is typically always a dish in the sink, and the dog toys are everywhere. I’m tired. I work nightshift and have done so since I graduated college in 2013. I’m tired. I also struggle with anxiety and depression, so that fabulous instagram/youtube life that I so badly want is even farther from my grasp. I keep thinking “if only..”, if only I had a new camera I could take YouTube by storm, if only I had my house perfectly organized I could set up perfect stylized photos for insta, if only I did my make-up and hair everyday I would get to be one of “them”.
I don’t always do my make-up even though I have a burning passion for it because I’m tired most days. I don’t do much of the things because I’m living a full and exhausting life full of work and stress that leaves me barely meeting basic needs somedays. How do I recover from this instagram sickness? How do I meet myself in the middle and improve my life in the areas I want without the expectation of it being social media fabulous?
I’m going to work harder at organizing my house and living environment because it’s something I really want to do, but I will also work on losing the expectation I put on myself to be Mrs. Hinch perfect. I’m going to work on self care more and try to do things that make me feel good (make up, fashion) without thinking I have to live up to the “plus size influencers”. I’m going to work on my personal health but not feel that I have to be sucked into the “before and after” culture for my efforts to be worthy. I simply want to live a good and happy life and I can definitely help myself along the way.
(Photo: low quality snapchat save of my constant state of “tired” but featuring a cute dog)